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Try the following exercises to help you fix this problem.
Brief Insight Inventory: Ask yourself the following questions to gain some insight into why you fall for unavailable men…
• What is the trait that you look for most when you meet a man?
• What are the traits – or warning signs – you look out for and avoid when you meet a man?
What are the different ways that each of you offers emotional support to each other?
Conclusion: Falling for unavailable men is a pattern that afflicts many women, so don’t feel that you’re alone or destined to repeat dysfunctional relationships forever.
Interview a few happy couples and ask them the following questions: What first drew you to each other?
What do you believe are the qualities that make for a successful relationship?
If you make sincere efforts to give a new type of man – an emotionally available one – a chance, each effort will bring you one step closer to a man who’s good for you.
Characteristics of the Emotional Chaser: If you repeat the pattern of emotional chasing, it means that…
• You tend to fall for men who ultimately won’t commit and settle down or who will cheat on you • You are usually more emotionally committed to the relationship than your partner is • You feel like your partner has all the control and power in the relationship • You often feel less worthy than your partner, as if your partner were more interesting or desirable than you are • You believe you have to work hard to keep him interested because you’re afraid he will otherwise leave and find someone else • You try to shape yourself into being what you think your partner wants If this is a pattern you repeat, there’s both help and hope ahead for you.
Imagine that you’re going to take your letter and read it aloud to each one of them. Confess to Your Friends and Family • In 12-step groups, the first step is always admitting that you have a problem.
If you have a pattern of falling for unavailable men, you, too, have a problem that deserves fixing.