Dating and physical chemistry
A relationship with a 10 chemistry and a 3 compatibility is going to make you miserable.
Now, where readers have twisted my words – annoyingly, repeatedly – is by suggesting that I’ve somehow told you to give up on chemistry. Yet somehow, many readers seem to struggle with the concept of a nuanced world, instead of a black and white one where a man is either your instant soulmate or a complete turnoff.
This is the key to sexual tension: the build up and then the release. Think of it like a pressurized tank of gas: it has an emergency release valve.
If the pressure grows past a certain point, the tank ruptures; the valve is there to equalize the pressure, keeping it just below the danger zone.
And what most of us have discovered is that because of the intensity of these feelings, you may completely end up ignoring your partner’s bad qualities.
You hear so many people who think women are supposed to be in a relationship with someone just because they’re nice to you and are commitment minded.
I just feel like everything in your blog tells me to keep seeing this guy. Because part of me wants to give it time knowing he’s a good one, and part of me says if all I can say in this email is that he’s “great” but I can’t talk about how I actually feel about him…what’s the point?
From what I am reading in your blog, I’m supposed to be happy with this guy. But I feel like I should look forward to seeing him more. Like the idea of him is better than the actual person. I should point out that I’m young (25) and attractive.
This is why I have long advocated putting compatibility up on the same pedestal as chemistry, and perhaps elevate it even higher.
Simply put: A relationship with a 7 chemistry and a 10 compatibility is a happy marriage.
The tension is even more notable by its absence, leading the other person to want to fill it. I’m a fan of playful flirting with just a hint of antagonism.